Madness of Wood
by AbaddontheDevourer
Summary: Little one-shot I made. Oliver Wood goes ballistic with Quidditch being cancelled. War breaks out int he Great Hall, and a pair of pranksters are in the middle of it. Tried to make it funny but I'm not sure how I did. Don't own anything.
One-shot: The Madness of Wood

"It is my painful duty to inform you that the Inter-House Quidditch Cup will not be taking place this year." Dumbledore said regretfully.

The responses to his words were mixed. Harry Potter, star seeker of Gryffindor, felt his jaw drop in disbelief. Turning he saw his fellow teammates in similar states. Fred and George were outraged, Angelina, Alicia and Katie stared at Dumbledore as if he lost what few marbles he had remaining, and finally Oliver. The seventh year captain looked like his entire world had just come crashing down. He was a broken man, who had nothing to live for besides Quidditch, at least in his mind. This was his final year and the year that he had planned on impressing the talent scouts for the professional leagues.

No Quidditch? No talent scouts. No talent scouts? No playing professionally.

His hopes and dreams shattered before him. With that realization he slowly pushed himself away from his seat at the Gryffindor Table.

"Mr. Wood?" Dumbledore asked. "Is there something you'd like say?"

The response that the ancient headmaster received was one that he didn't expect, maniacal laughter. Later those who experienced what would be dubbed as the Battle of the Hall would describe the laughter as being more unhinged than the infamous Bellatrix Lestrange, crueler than even Voldemort's.

Oliver's frenzied laughter echoed throughout the Hall before he stopped, a broken gleam in his eye as his wand shot out of a holster and into his hand. "You dare to cancel Quidditch?!" An emerald spell shot from his wand, and it was only because Dumbledore dove behind his chair that he avoided the acid like spell.

"The Gryffindors are trying to kill the Headmaster!" One Slytherin screamed out.

"Protect Dumbledore!" Another one screamed. Leave it up to the Slytherins to influence how people viewed the situation, and to turn it in their favor.

"Mr. Wood! Stop this at once!" McGonagall shrieked raising her wand, only to duck as another emerald spell shot from Wood's wand.

Several other Quidditch fanatics stood up and began to hurl spells towards the Teacher's table. The Slytherins viewing this as an opportunity for payback began to hurl spells towards the Gryffindors.

When the first Gryffindor fell underneath the barrage, a first year named John Smith, the Gryffindors retaliated against the Slytherins.

"Flip the table!" Harry screamed over the din of spellfire. Several of the older students took hold of the tables and flipped them over giving the Gryffindor side some cover as they took pot shots at the Slytherins. _Where's my wand?_ Harry thought desperately, rummaging through his bag for his wand. He caught sight of Malfoy peeking above the Slytherin's fortifications, and grabbed the first thing within reach. A moment later Malfoy crashed into the wall clutching his eye where a turkey drumstick had smacked into him. Finding his wand he shot a stunner knocking the Ferret out.

"Reducto!" Several voices called out from the Slytherin side, the blasting hex sending shrapnel through the air as it impacted with the Gryffindor's oaken defense.

Dumbledore was trying to defend himself against a berserker like Wood who was casting spells so fast that they looked like one solid beam of emerald. The various other teachers were desperately trying to break up the fight as Snape and McGonagall began erecting area shields around their house tables.

Seeing the greasy bat distracted, Harry snapped, and let loose a powerful flame spell. Though Snape ducked in time to avoid being hit head on, the intense heat ignited whatever it was he used for his hair. The dungeon bat screamed and panicked as Madame Pomphrey rushed to his aid, hosing his head down with an aguamenti.

You know how they say not to pour water on a grease fire?

Well this was a perfect example as a pillar of flame 20 feet high shot towards the ceiling, as Snape crashed headlong into the wall. Only when he was down did Pomphrey rush to his side, conjuring a blanket as she tried to smother the flames. To Harry's keen eyes though it looked less like she was smothering the flames than she was taking this as the perfect opportunity to off her dour colleague. He was pretty sure that no treatment required you placing your knee against a downed person's throat nor that the dungeon bat did not in fact require CPR. He was doubly sure that CPR did not involve driving your fist as hard as you can into the recipient's sternum. Kicking them in the gut wasn't a part of it either.

"Reducto!" Several Gryffindors called out smashing the barriers of the Slytherins. It was at this point that it got real hairy as both Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw joined the fray. Hufflepuff devastated the Slytherin's rear with several well placed stunners and petrification spells. Ravenclaw blasted apart the last of Gryffindor's defenses with several confringos.

"This is insane!" Harry screamed to Hermione, grabbing her by the back of her shirt and pulling her down. A moment later there was an angry red spell where her head had been.

"What the hell was Oliver thinking?" Hermione demanded, popping up and letting loose a trio of explosive curses. "The Claws are conjuring stone walls."

"Siege Engine?" He asked his partner.

"Move down the line!" She commanded. "We need to get a better angle."

"Fred George! Get over here." Harry screamed firing an area wide stunner.

"Bloody great fight!" George or was it Fred commented.

"Who knew Ollie would've gone bonkers with Quidditch being cancelled."

"Less chatting more shielding!" Harry commanded. "We need cover for about a minute."

"Righty righty Harrikens."

"You can count on us!" Reaching into their robes they pulled out what looked like German stick grenade, and began to lob them across the Great Hall."

"Hermione!" He called.

"Right here!" She answered, they both extended their wands towards the Ravenclaw table, the tips touching one another. A dark sphere of energy formed in front, rapidly spinning and growing larger with each passing moment. Seeming to sense the impending danger fire shifted towards them.

"LEROY JENKINS!" As one almost everyone in Gryffindor turned towards the Hufflepuff/Slytherin War. One of the braver Puffs had hopped over the badger's fortifications and was charging the Slytherin line, screaming his name like a war cry of old. He could see almost everyone staring at him in disbelief, before one of his spells got too close to comfort. He went down from almost 10 stunners, before the rest of the Badgers, ever the House of the Loyal charged over their makeshift barriers and ran headlong into the spellfire of the Slytherins all the while screaming their names.

A minute later the sphere was almost 6 feet across as they carefully aimed it at the Ravens and Snakes.

"GO!" Harry screamed letting his control on the orb slip. It shot forward like a lance spearing one end of the Ravenclaw table before battering into the Slytherins. Everything the beam touched was hurled back, as Harry and Hermione swept it across the Hall, sending everyone, Puff, Claw, and Snake flying into the far wall.

Siege Engine Spell: Battering Ram.

While the power was drastically reduced it was more than enough to do what they needed it to do.

In moments the fight between the Four Houses was over, Gryffindor emerging victorious.

"Bind them!" Harry called, several voices acknowledging his command and rushing from the makeshift defenses, firing off an _incarcerous_ at every downed figure.

Panting he turned to see most of the teachers were down for the count, having fallen under Wood's onslaught. Dumbledore for all his skills and experience was still a man and made mistakes. In this case the gaudy robes he wore tripped him up as he back stepped, sending him sprawling on the floor.

Wood raised his wand triumphantly, manic eyes, foaming at the mouth as he looked down on his prey.

"GET HIM!" Harry screamed. It may have been childish but it did the trick. Wood was about to cast the final spell when several hundred pounds of flesh and muscle slammed into him. The entirety of Gryffindor house, at least those still able to move had dogpiled on top of the insane Captain, pinning him underneath their weight. "Someone get his wand!"

"I got it!" Someone called, throwing the stick away. One by one they got up, and it took the 5 of the burliest Gryffindors to hold back the Quidditch Captain from throttling Dumbledore with his bare hands. When Dumbledore got too close the seventh year had even managed to lunge forward and bite the headmaster on the nose.

Aurors were called and the men in white from St. Mungo's showed up to drag the unhinged student away. The final result was thousands of galleons in damage. Harry and Hermione both were assigned multiple detentions for unleashing a siege engine class spell indoors, for putting just about every non-Gryffindor Student in the Hospital wing, and shattering one of the walls when Harry let the spell go.

They weren't the only ones though as everyone but the first years were assigned detentions for the year. Snape was down for the count, all his hair having been burned off.

* * *

When everything died down two people met up in one of the unused class rooms.

"Gred?"

"Yeah Forge?"

"I think our potion worked a little too well."

"Most definitely."

"I mean it was only supposed to slightly lower inhibitions."

"Maybe Wood always wanted to kill Dumbledore?"

"I think we need to change the ingredients around. A drug to lower inhibitions and relax is one thing. We don't need everyone to become aggressive."

"So formula 135 is a failure?"

"Failure."


End file.
